Re-posted blog from Thu, 05 Aug 2010
Today I listened as Today Show's host interviewed the Married Man accused of living a Double Life give his side of the story. His first wife gave her side and announcement a couple days ago on National Television. She claimed to discover he lived a double life as she perused Facebook. After listening to him and his attorney it doesn't sound like that but who knows? I just know the kids will suffer as he begins pulling for 100% custody and they become targets for the greedy paparazzi. Even in our average world the emotional impact to kids is great. So I decided to reprint a post of a friend's perspective dealing with a difficult child custody battle.
Children always suffer caught in the middle of a giant tug-o-war; a battle of the brawn. But, too many nice single-again parents have ex-spouses—(ex-may be either gender although this is a female friend)—who vilify themselves acting like Nazi’s trying to destroy my friend’s today’s and rob her tomorrow's by using the kids and legal system as ammunition. They are out to demolish.
“How do you deal with it?” I asked a tired Christian friend, a seasoned warrior yesterday.
“It helps me to remember, it’s a spiritual battle. It’s really not about me and him. It’s about him and God. The enemy is using him to get to me. When I can separate that truth … I do better dealing with my ex. I developed a spiritual perspective that helps me after watching the movie Chronicles of Narnia, which took place during World War 2.
"At the time, droves of planes bombed England in waves. People ran to the bunkers to stay safe. When they came out of the bunkers and the streets were quiet they didn’t know when the next bomb would come crashing down. The bunker for me, is staying in the wings of Jesus. I keep my family, my kids and husband in the bunker-safe when I’m battling my ex. It’s really difficult. But I have to do it.
"The bomb might be going to court, dealing with an attorney, money issues, fears real or irrational. After the bomb drops, mentally and emotionally I run straight into the wings of Jesus—my safe bunker. I stay in the peaceful place as long as I can and make it my sanctuary. When things seem to calm down I cautiously head out on the streets again, aware even if it seems peaceful it is a temporary interlude in the war.
"I don’t get peace when I’m roaming in the war zone. I have to keep on my toes and be ready to escape the bombs and fight the battle, even when I’m tired. It’s not about choice. I have to be strong for my kids. But then I can go back to the bunkers again and find safety with the Lord. He fills me up and encourages me. It’s important for me to remember it’s an ongoing battle. I expect it now."
Sometimes people on the streets, or in place for our legal processes to help us, can seem to be a saboteur, as in the case of my friend who had an antagonistic, partial “Christian” mediator who worked against her.
“Sometimes evil people are making decisions that affect us,” my warrior friend explained. “We feel vulnerable. They seem pure because they have authority but they’re humans—so we can be treated unfairly by the legal system. But all these safety systems set up by man, legal or medical—they are based on earth and subject to carnal corruption.
The important thing, if we are victimized, is that we don’t blame God. That we realize God loves us. He is for us. He feels our pain and He is walking through it with us. People who “stand for us” on earth can make mistakes. They can have ulterior motives too."
Have mercy on me O God, have mercy on me, for in you my soul takes refuge. I will take refuge in the shadow of your wings until the disaster has passed. Psalm 57:10