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  • Writer's pictureDee Aspin


In The Act of two becoming one, two souls give to each other part of themselves.

The physical intimacy created by the closest physical bonding experience two people can exchange is intended for committed partners. Sex within marriage provides safety from emotional abandonment and protection from the diseases inherent with multiple partners. Biblical teaching has not changed because creation has not changed.

The world we live in treats sex as if we can separate our physical body from our emotions.

Sex is much more than a simple act to fulfill a physical drive as noted in The Invisible Bond by Barbara Wilson. Two hormones, oxytocin & dopamine, released during sex seal a bond of oneness and pleasure to glue two souls together.

During the act of sex, an intimate part of each person is given and taken. Random partners disable the superglue of sex God created to seal two souls. Feelings associated with the act of sexual intimacy to create love and bonding are lost, much like overused Velcro ripped and limp with every break-up or meaningless alliance.

The beautiful act of sex without love becomes a physical act devoid of the feeling and emotional connectedness it was meant to deliver. “Sex doesn’t mean anything” results.

  • It’s easier to love and leave, lacking the vows to love each other for better or worse. A committed decision to love someone for a lifetime results from the sense of God’s leading—especially when we truly realize the energy it takes to build a healthy relationship.

  • If you were left, you can feel rejected and ashamed. If you leave when the pleasure is over, you may have scarred someone and feel remorse.

The internal and spiritual damage to our psyche is partly from the inability to form relationships by using sex. It is important to take the time needed to create a true friendship built on trust in each other.

Sex was never created to launch a relationship. It was designed to bring pleasure and expression to marriage.

God wants us to have a pure conscience, to enjoy each other because we are faithful to Him and good for each other.

Sex outside of marriage brings guilt or conviction to a Christian walking close to the Lord.

A newly-married Christian man confided, “I wish I hadn’t slept with other women before. I love my wife, but now I have had to deal with flashbacks. God gives us wise counsel to protect us. He knows how we were made.”

Have you been desensitized to touch?

* Common if you have been manipulated by individuals, the culture or forced into unwanted or frequent sexual encounters. You are not alone. Hope exists for new beginnings. There’s always second chances for a fresh start and positive dating experiences—as Jesus leads the way.

The Holy Spirit wants to comfort and counsel you through your dating relationship. Include Him in your feelings, and struggles, the good, the bad and the ugly.

How do the following passages strengthen and comfort you?

Psalm 145:8, 9, 14

v. 8 The Lord is gracious and full of compassion; slow to anger and rich in love.

v. 9 The Lord is good to all; His tender mercies are over all his works (KJV). He has compassion on all He has made (NIV)

v. 14 The Lord upholds all those who fall and lifts up all who are bowed down.

Psalm 147:3

"He heals the brokenhearted and binds up their wounds."

Journal any verses that correct your view of God and help you understand His love for you.

If you have been fettered with shame or guilt, receive His kindness and help by allowing yourself to change. Be the new you. Value and respect yourself by each small step toward dignity. Tell someone you trust.


LOVE requires loyalty and deep affection. When the desire is met to love and be loved by another unconditionally in spite of knowing each other’s flaws—we experience intimacy.

  • We feel attached and cared for which brings us peace when we give and receive real love.

  • When we love as God intended, a rich spiritual, mental, emotional and physical closeness provides contentment and satisfaction that deepens over time.

Give an example of a couple you know who exhibit true love. What makes them outstanding?

LUST is a strong desire that can only be filled temporarily.

  • A lustful relationship is driven by the pleasure passion gives. Consideration is not given the other person to feel special or loved.

  • Lust wants what it wants when it wants it…which creates a problem resolving differences.

  • Lust grows restless in proportion to time, needing more, different and better. A relationship built on lust cannot provide enduring satisfaction.

The Bible refers to three areas of life that unchecked become lusts. What are they? Read 1 John 2:16 below. Give examples where you have seen this occur?

Do not love or cherish the world or the things that are in the world. If anyone loves the world, love for the Father is not in Him. For all that is in the world, the lust of the flesh (craving for sensual gratification) and the lust of the eyes (greedy longings of the mind) and the pride of life (assurance in one’s own resources or in the stability of earthly things)—these do not come from the Father but are from the world (itself).

And the world passes away and disappears and with it the forbidden cravings (the passionate desires, the lusts) of it; but he who does the will of God and carries out His purposes in his life abides (remains) forever. (1 John 2:16–17 AMP)

LOVE stands the test of time.

Anything of value can be copied, even “love” and “faith” within a person. God tests us, Satan tempts us. A counterfeit bill must be held in the light and put through a scan to check it. In the same way, it is hard to determine genuine faith at a distance. What’s underneath, virtue or vice, lust or love? One test—Love can wait. Lust can’t.

* How can you tell if a man is a wolf in sheep’s clothing? (Matthew 7:15–17 and 2 Timothy 3:13)

*If a woman is seductive and cunning? (Proverbs 7:17–27)

*Why would God require and command His people to control their bodies before marriage? (Matthew 5:27–28)

*What value does this add to trust and fidelity within marriage? (Romans 13:13–14)

Don’t focus on the temptation in the midst of temptation. Dwell on what’s right, honorable, noble and true. (Philippians 4:8)

How Do We Flee Lust?

Pray to Jesus, our merciful and faithful High Priest before God, who understands our weakness. For since he himself has now been through suffering and temptation, he knows what it is like when we suffer and are tempted, and he is wonderfully able to help us. (Hebrews 2:18 TLB)

Turn our eyes away from the source. I made a covenant with my eyes not to look lustful. (Job 31:1)

“Have you heard the term bounce?” Puzzled, I looked at the single Christian woman and shook my head.

“This morning at the gym a very good looking man was working out ten feet in front of me. Suddenly, he pulled off his shirt! Oh my word, Lord…I don’t need this in my current state! I needed to look elsewhere—so I bounced my eyes somewhere else. Bounce…bounce...” J

Turn our thoughts to Christ. Push past impure magazines, images, and look to Jesus… (Hebrews 12:2)

Find the door of escape. “Lord, what do you want me to do, now, instead?

"A temptation is an opportunity to do the right thing".... Pastor Rick Warren

The Holy Spirit gives us power to overcome. No temptation has seized you that is not common to man, but God is faithful to His Word… He can be trusted not to let you be tested beyond your power to endure… He will always provide a way of escape that you may bear up under it. (1 Corinthians 10:13 paraphrase)

A story is told of Saint Augustine, an early believer, who met Christ after many years of living a wild life.

One day when he passed a woman on the street he had once been with. She yelled out, “Augustine, it’s me!”

He answered, “That’s why I’m running. It’s not me.”

No longer dominated and defined by sin, but a new man defined by Christ, his past was buried at the cross where Christ died to forgive him and set him free…redeemed and new.

No matter what our past, Christ died for that sin so we don’t have to keep bringing it up.” ~ Pastor Rich Sherman

(Next ; The Battle in the Mind... Our emotions and our enemy, guilt and forgiveness)

Copyright © 2018 DeeAspin

sketches by E.V. Sparrow,

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